The Pickle Slicer There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She began to scream and yell, "You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?" "For twenty years I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer, " he explained, "and today I finally did it!" The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done. "You look okay" she said with a sigh of relief. "So what happened to the pickle slicer?" "Well, " he said with hesitation, "they fired her, too." Female Compassion Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.

Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny ..but I have to get up in the morning and you don't!." Three Men in a Bar Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.

This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring.

" As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet." As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go f**k herself!"