Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "And yesterday, Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed." "Dear Lord, no!" the President moans. "That's terrible..!" The President buries his head in his hands, silencing his staff with this moving display of emotion. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is in a brazillion?" Rumination of the Day In my opinion, my dad spent too much time at work. I remember all those family meetings where we were each asked to stand up and tell everyone a little bit about ourselves. Bush is zeroing in on his choice to replace Alan Greenspan as head of the Federal Reserve Board, the body responsible for setting the nation's monetary policy.

The president reportedly wants to select Harry O' Brian, who has been the cashier at the White House snack bar for seven years. Bush, when asked about the unusual choice, said "Trust me! I know this guy.

He knows money. He was the first man to head the Washington D.C.

cashiers' union." Steve Tatum The government argued before the U.S. Supreme Court Wednesday that suicide is illegal and people who commit it should be punished to the full extent of the law.

In arguments against Oregon's law that approves suicide by the terminally ill, the U.S. said people who commit suicide should be sentenced to long prison terms. "Lock them up and don't let them out until they stop doing it, " argued Solicitor General Paul Clement.

Scott Witt A study shows that the British are Europe's most prolific shoplifters, stealing more than 6 billion a year worth of goods. They are most likely to take razors, alcohol and toiletries. Nothing on the shelves is safe, except dental products. Jim Barach The so-called father of the drug Valium has passed away at the age of 97. He leaves behind three children, seven grandchildren and 60 million dependents.

Jay Leno Chinese scientists say that Mt. Everest is twelve feet shorter than previously thought. As most guys will tell you, it was the cold at the higher elevations that caused the shrinkage. Jim Barach Medical researchers say Hollywood films fail to show the negative consequences of drugs and sex. Negative effects? That's what keeps the movie industry afloat.

The only negative side effects of unprotected sex in Hollywood are more celebrity kids with really dumb names.

Jim Barach Wolfgang Schwarz, who won a gold medal for figure skating at the 1968 Olympics was arrested for illegal trade with prostitutes. The sports world is shocked. No one can believe a male figure skater being involved with women.

Jim Barach This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote scripture. So, she holds up a hand and says, "ACTS 2:38!" The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes to the point that she is able to get to the phone and call 911 for the cops. When the cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady: "How did you do this?" The woman replied, "I quoted scripture." The cop turned to the burglar and asked, "What was it about the scripture that had such an effect on you?" The burglar replied, "Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's."