One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, " No, I am Banta Singh." Another guy came and asked the him the same question. Singh answered, "No! No! Me Banta Singh!" A third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing." The Singh slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once there was a train, which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks. Suddenly the train deviated from the tracks, went into the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks.

The passengers were horrified. At the next railway station the driver was arrested He was found to be a Singh. He was questioned. He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after blowing the horn, flashing the lights etc.

The authorities questioned : Mr. Singh are you mad! Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many passengers in danger. You should have run that person over. Singh said : That is exactly what I had decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train got real close.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.

Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!" Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.

Why every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Singhs pilots try to land an airplane in the United States. They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed "The runway is ending!". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot screams again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again and again.

During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge, expensive airport but with such a short runaway", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three astronauts, a Russian, an American and a Sardarji are arguing about who's the best.

The Russian: WE are the best. WE were the first in space.

The American: No, no, no.

WE are the best. We were the first to put a man on the moon.

The Surd: No, no gentlemen.

WE are the best. WE are planning to land on the Sun. The other two: But...

but... you can't do that. The Sun's too hot.

The Surd: But we thought of that too.

We're going to do it at night. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees and started thanking God.

A surprised passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing what are you thanking God for ?" The Singh replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died.

"You know, " he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.

It read "Padne waala gadha."one who reads it is an ass. Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back, "Likhne waala gadha.

"One who wrote it is an ass.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices, "said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'.

That ended the husband's witticisms. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working, Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25th floor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : 'How did you enjoy your dinner ? ' Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it, 'Sorry , I could not make it .' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Take me to the 10th floor, ' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. D'Ipm not your son.' I called you beta because I brought you up, ' replied the liftman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well.

Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week.

The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" "he picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A dipper and a gora are sitting beside each other on a plane. It was a long flight to India so the gora said:"Let's play a game." The dipper said sure.

The gora said let's play I spy. The dipper said sure. The gora started. He said I spy with my little eye something black. The dipper said suitcase? He was right. Then he said I spy with my little eye something that starts with the letter B. The gora looked hard for about ten minutes. Then finally he gave up .He said what was it. The dipper said look stupid gora "bindow"! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri. Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai What a carKithon laiye where did you get it from Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything" Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa " Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. I took the car Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se good showyou wouldn't have fit into her clothes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don't you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing.

After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position.

Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI.

JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE SAR MEIN DARD HAI WOH SARDAAR HAI. WAH WAH WAH .......

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home. Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation? Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic. Rajiv: Logic is very easy. Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.

Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house? Zail: YES. Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.

Zail: YES. Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it. Zail: YES. Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish. Zail: YES. Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish. Zail: YES. Rajiv: so, logically, your are married. Zail: YES. Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.

Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic.

Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.

Zail: How is your MBA preparation? Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic. Zail: Oh, logic is easy. Buta: Please, give me an example.

Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house? Buta: NO, I don't.

Zail: Saala HOMO!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How can you confuse a Sardarji? By asking him to find the corner of a circle! How will he confuse you? By finding one!