"When Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized, thieves left his TV, his VCR, and even left his watch. What they did take was "generic white cardboard box filled with grayish-white powder." That at least is the way the police described it. A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said "that it looked similar to cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.

" Then Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude.She died three years ago." Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevans was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.

And there was this note. It said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister.

No hard feelings.

Have a nice day."